


Am i a normal person

by the_wildcard



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, F/M, Regular stuff for Charlie kelly, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:25:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wildcard/pseuds/the_wildcard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking place after "The gang goes to hell", Charlie Kelly is left alone with his thoughts and alcohol, which is never a good combination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Am i a normal person

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Normal Person by Arcade Fire, which is a very Charlie song

Frank had gone out for the night, probably to hang out under the bridge, and that always meant trouble for Charlie. All alone in a house full of various glues, drugs, alcohol, and inhalants? He couldn't ever stop himself; why start now?

He hadn't even bothered trying to call Mac or Dee because they wouldn't want to talk. After getting off of the boat, everyone in the gang has been a lot more distant than usual. But Charlie doesn't understand why. 

After a trauma, aren't you supposed to seek comfort from the people you love? Then again, they've always done things differently from regular people. They fucked each other over and stabbed one another in the back, and no one ever apologized for it. They hardly held grudges against each other, but instead against everyone else in the world. 

And Charlie has never wanted more to be like normal people. Not because he can't read or write or understand social cues, but because he wants to be with his friends. He wants Frank to tell him that he is his dad, he wants Mac and Dennis to say that he's their best friend. He wants not to feel so weird about Dee and how he thinks she's pretty. 

More than anything he doesn't want to feel like this. And so he keeps huffing chemicals, like he's done since he was a kid. His head is pounding and spinning and he can't breathe because the weight of everything is finally, finally setting in. 

He is alone. The thought stings and make his head burn more than any drug could. He finds a bottle of alcohol, whiskey, the expensive kind that Frank likes. 

And so he drinks and drinks until the bruise on his forehead doesn't ache so much anymore. It's a mark that he really is a bigger mess than any of them previously thought. He tried to kill himself and pulled the trigger like it was nothing. 

Not even the alcohol is helping. He can't stop thinking about their friends and the fact that they all haven't been to the bar at the same time in weeks. Charlie starts to dial Mac's number, but he doesn't answer. And so he calls Dennis, who also doesn't answer. Charlie wonders if they're working on a scheme together, but then decides it doesn't matter if they did it without him. 

When trying to call Dee he doesn't stay on the line long enough to find out if she would've answered. 

He takes a large gulp of Frank's alcohol before typing in the waitress' number, which he's memorized by heart. She answers groggily. 

"What? Charlie it's 3 am, why are you calling me?" Her voice is tired, Charlie guesses he just woke her up. "Huh, no shit. Last I checked it was 8 PM." There's an uncomfortable silence while the waitress waits for whatever reason he called her, in case it's important. 

"Charlie?" 

He didn't know he started crying but when he does, he rubs the snot from his nose into the back of his hand. "Waitress, will you please go steady with me?" There's a groan at the other end of the line, which is just another way for her to reject him. For another person to reject him. 

"For the millionth time, Charlie, no I won't be your girlfriend. Is that it? I have work tomorrow." Charlie leans over so that his face is in the crevice. He feels alcohol pouring onto the futon from when he leaned over with the open bottle in his hand, but he doesn't fucking care. 

The sting of alcohol on his face is better than the feeling of the tears underneath them. "Please waitress." The phone receiver is silent, he almost hangs up. But in a desperate attempt to change her mind he says, "if you don't date me I'm gonna kill myself." It isn't what he meant to say. He meant to say that he needs her because he doesn't have anyone else, but what he actually said is just as true. 

"Jesus Christ, Charlie." Then there's the beep, signaling she hung up, and Charlie is left with his blurry thoughts again. The alcohol in the bottle has emptied. He doesn't have any glue or weed left. Frank took his coke. 

There's a voice in the back of Charlie's mind saying that he could go back to the bar to get more wasted there, but why lie to the waitress? He never has before.

Frank took his guns, so that's out of the question. He stumbles from the apartment and pulls his cellphone back out to call the waitress. She doesn't answer, and so he leaves a voicemail. "I'm going to kill myself, I mean this has been a long time coming, right? The funny thing is I'm not even convinced that I am alive. Pretty sure we all died on that cruise ship." 

His voice trails off, so he hangs up, realizing he didn't have anything else to say. 

Charlie steps out of their apartment building, and he begins to walk. It's towards the bridge that Country Mac jumped from. 

He dials her phone number again, after typing it incorrectly in the process. "No one appreciates me, you know? Like, I thought I had more to offer than this. The least I deserve is the woman I love to love me back." Charlie swallows, and focus' on walking without falling. 

"You're so beautiful, and your hair sparkles in sunlight and sometimes I think that you are sunlight. To me you are." He stops in his tracks, and turns around to walk the opposite direction. He doesn't know where his brain is telling him to go, but it doesn't matter. 

"Since highschool you've been the prettiest girl I've ever seen, even if everyone else made fun of you and called you names. I thought you looked cool." Charlie starts to run. If he trips and rips more holes in his jeans then he doesn't feel it. 

"Okay," he takes a deep breath and opens the door to the building he's practically stumbled to in his inebriated state. "I love you, and I'll see you soon." He's walking down familiar halls, up familiar stairwells, and knocks on a door that he knows too well. The door opens, and Charlie is shocked to see the owner of the apartment he went to. 

"What?" Dee answers. 

Charlie just laughs. Of course his mind would tell him to go find Dee when he was ready to kill himself a few minutes before. She's always who he goes to when he needs someone. 

"Your hair," he starts talking without thinking, "it's so yellow." She squints her tired eyes at him. He knows she can't tell what message he's trying to get across, but it's okay. She's here. 

"Charlie, if you wake up Mac and Dennis, and I have to deal with them, I'm going to kill you." He laughs again and almost says that he would let her. But it wouldnt be a joke, so he doesn't say anything. 

Instead he smiles at her, and turns around to go back to his apartment so he can sleep for the night. He has a feeling that he'll finally be able to.

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! He was talking about Dee the whole time!? I wrote this months ago, but I'm sure this hiatus is killing you all just as much as it is me. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it, I love feedback


End file.
